Why Do We Get Married?

Last weekend we drove to Bend, Oregon, an eight hour drive from our home on the Olympic Peninsula, for my older daughter’s wedding.  I was excited because she has waited so long to find the right person, someone with her interests, who loves her for who she is and is able to show and express that love.  And of course someone with whom she could do the same.  They met in a Wilderness Preparedness course – she’s an Outward Bound instructor, and he had started climbing – and were paired together.  He is over six feet, she is not even 5 feet 2.  Every time she had to roll him over she would curse about his size (and I mean curse!);  he was quite surprised, and then intrigued by this fire plug of a woman.  They married on the edge of a lake standing in an open pagoda.  On the other side of the lake Mt. Bachelor rose above the tree line.  The morning before they had asked if anyone wanted to climb the mountain with them.  We were to meet at 9 AM.  Who else but my daughter, as my younger daughter said in her toast the next night, would suggest climbing a mountain as an activity for the wedding guests?  We climbed halfway, looked at each other, and decided resting by the lake with books and swimming gear seemed better to us, turned around, rented a kayak, and had a great time.  So did the climbers. What a perfect pair!  Not only do my daughter and her husband enjoy the same activities, they clearly understand each other’s idiosyncrasies and are able to live with them!  At the ceremony my daughter thanked him for helping her stop hating herself, and for teaching her that she was lovable, which brought tears to my eyes as well as some of the folks sitting near me.  She is an honest and brave woman.  His words were equally revealing and honest and heartfelt.  It was an amazing experience for us, as well as for them.  I have been thinking about marriage all week, my two failed ones, and my current live-in relationship.   He and I both have grown children, and couldn’t have kids even if we wanted to for obvious reasons. We are happier together than I think either of us has been with anyone else.  At least I certainly am.  Living together is pretty easy, and very nurturing.  Our love grows, as does our acceptance of each other as the people we are.  Why would we marry at this point in our lives?  Good question, and one I gave very little thought to before the wedding,.  Now I find myself wishing he would ask me, even if we just did a ceremony to declare our commitment to one another without any legal ramifications.  I doubt he has any idea I’ve been thinking about this and I don’t think I will tell him, even though I am usually a painfully honest person.  He moved away from everything he has known to live here with me and stayed during the first rocky year.  I know he is committed. I know I am too.  So why these inconvenient thoughts?  Am I that conventional at heart?  Or is it something else, something basic to my feelings about long term relationships?  I really don’t know.  I do know that these feelings will pass, and that our love will continue to grow.  And that will have to suffice. It’s just odd to me that this desire for a public offering would come up for me because of my own daughter’s wedding.