What’s Mine and What’s Their’s?

Sometimes, though not frequently, my partner does something that really disturbs me, or angers me, or feels just plain upsetting.  If I bring it up, he often tells me it’s his business, not mine.  Last night he said, with some asperity, if he wants to let his body rot, that is his right!  Silly, but I got the point.  My rejoinder:  not quite; if it rots, I’ll be the one taking care of it!  Which I think is spot on.  We were discussing some medical issue that could be nothing, or could be something serious.  We rarely go to sleep angry–I don’t remember ever doing that, actually.  Last night I was crying, and he put his arm around me and pulled me close, whispering, “We’ll be fine.”  I wasn’t so sure, but though the mood was a bit rocky when we awakened this morning , we talked a little more, and then did what couples do.  When he arose, he kissed me several times, whistling as he left the bedroom.  The preceding afternoon a friend remarked that over the years she has learned her husband has a right to be angry, as does she, and that if she leaves him alone for a few days, interacting with civility, whatever was bothering them both sort of drifts away. That advise resonated, and will stay with me for along time, I’m sure.  He and I did talk, but I was also willing to let it go by the time he got into bed, and I think that helped us both.  Bottom line for me: when something he is doing, or not doing, could have a real impact on my life, I think have a right to talk about it honestly.  Even with anger, if that’s how I feel.  Actually, I think I have the obligation for my own emotional health to speak up, even if I have to take a few days to think about what I want to say and how to say it.