To Do Or To Be

Saturday night I attended a dynamite concert by a local group called ‘Songlines’ here in Port Townsend. Before the first intermission, the director had all of us up singing rounds. The words were powerful: about the earth and our relationship to it; about becoming community; and finally, about not needing to ‘do’, but merely being. It felt very empowering to sing about ‘being’ with a group of over a hundred community members in addition to the chorus itself, and I even found myself thinking about the evening the next day. As someone who has been an ‘activist’ for many years but has become fairly tired of meetings, I was truly impressed by how ‘together’ we could sing our souls into union. It was the most positive group experience I had had in years. I still find myself thinking about the notion that I don’t have to ‘do’ but can just ‘be’ today. For me that is easier said than done. First of all, I think it is important to remain engaged with the world, and to do my part in making it a better, more sustainable place for myself, my partner, my kids, his kids, and our grandchildren. So…I still feel a need to ‘do’. But I also get caught up in my ‘to do’ list on a daily basis, and lots of those activities probably are not necessary, or particularly helpful to anyone, least of all me. I wake up almost every morning, especially Mondays when I either write this blog, or shoot and edit a video blog on my computer, compiling a list in my head of all the things I need to get done. Putting off until tomorrow has not been in my lexicon of choices, but is becoming more so because of lots of effort on my part. Suddenly, because of the round we all sang, I started to wonder if I could not only put off, but not ‘do’ at all! What a concept. How would I even decide what I could drop altogether? A start would be to drop chores I truly hate, and don’t have to be done. Since I’ve been doing them forever, stopping wasn’t even a thought on my horizon. Baking a cake for friends is a good example. I could do so sometimes, but I also could say no upon occasion. Asking my partner to go to the market more often, so I don’t have to go all the time. Sweeping the floor several times a day. (We live a block from the beach, so lots of sand gets tracked into the house.) Spending four or five hours at the computer every day, working on marketing and social networking tasks. If I was rigorous about cutting that time down to one hour, wouldn’t I be happier? You bet your booty I would. Another realization: I get so caught up in these tasks, the day passes and I start making dinner without doing much I actually enjoyed. For awhile I did better with this, only checking out my business Facebook page for fifteen minutes three days a week. But then the time increased, and there were more tasks: sending out letters offering my services to women’s organizations as a free speaker who facilitates interactive evenings. You can see the problem. ‘Not doing’ has never been an option. Doing less seems to be the best I can accomplish, and I even slide into compulsion with that promise to myself. I try to just ‘be’ on the weekends, but usually have something tugging at me that’s a ‘doing’ rather than a ‘being’. How terrific that a group activity that began as a task to honor the friend who was the choral leader, became something else entirely, and has taken me to this place. I don’t have answers yet, but the notion of being OK with who I am, and how I am, at my age, instead of having to ‘take care of’ others or tasks is one that isn’t going to go away anytime soon. Of course it’s Monday, so I have too much to do to just ‘be’ today!