Not Easy To Take It Easy

On Friday my partner and I drove to the coast for a much needed vacation weekend. I haven’t felt so relaxed in months. He and I took long walks on the beach, watched videos in the middle of the day, ate well, and enjoyed each others company in many ways. I’m smiling as I sit here and type! And no, we’re not too old for that kind of stuff, not by a long shot. What did strike me over those four days was how difficult it is for me to relax to that degree, not giving a thought to anything I ‘have’ to do, when I’m at home. Mind you: I work for myself and am semi-retired. I could stop doing this, and all the other writing I do every day, and no one could complain. But I can’t seem to stop any of it. I do love to write, that is true, although I don’t love writing everything. My preference is fiction, but I still write articles that are not fiction. My advisor suggested I only do what I really want to do when we discussed this problem. What a novel idea! So why is it so difficult for me to do? There go those ‘shoulds’ again rearing their ugly heads. Why can’t I get over this? Why can’t I spend a day, or many days, reading, having tea with friends, taking long walks in this lovely place I live in? Is relaxing an issue for the rest of you? I certainly hope I’m not the only oddball out here who can’t seem to let go of jobs that don’t interest me anymore. I’ve been collecting social security for several years now: when will I give myself permission to only do what I enjoy? Within reason. Oh well. Something else to work on. And as you can tell,I’m good at that….