How I Process (And How You Do)!

The other night as we were falling asleep my partner shared some information he had obtained about something he was pursuing in his  life.  When I woke up in the middle of the night, all sorts of ideas were percolating in my mind about what he had shared.  By the time we both woke up in the morning, I had even more.  I was really excited to share them with him, though I did wait until he had had his morning jo.  His body language told me he was not enjoying what I had to impart before he uttered a word; and then he said he felt overwhelmed, and that it seemed as if I was telling him how to live his life.  That sure stopped me in my tracks.  Since I had shared five or six ideas, I had no idea how he could have thought I was ‘telling him how to live his life’.  He couldn’t possibly have done all of them!  But I did hear the ‘overwhelm’ part, and asked him more about it.  It seems that he gets one or two ideas, and then lets them percolate inside for weeks, sometimes months, at a time before he acts upon them.  I know this, but somehow forget when I get excited about an expansion of either his or my life plans.  My process could not be more different.  If I have a problem, or a question, or a new situation I come up with all sorts of ways to deal with it, and love to share them with people I trust because that may give me even more solutions.  Our discussion evolved into a new question: since we process information and ideas so differently, how do we respect each other’s process and not deny our own?  I said that I would try to share only one or two ideas with him at a time, and asked that he let me in on his plans as they proceed internally, so that I don’t feel so left out.  He is not used to sharing his thoughts with anyone, even me, so this is not a simple request.  And I love to share, and share immediately: patience is not my long suit.  I have no idea how this will proceed, but at least we talked about our differences in a real way, and agree we need to find a positive approach in dealing with them together.  All of this is new for me: neither of my husbands were willing to talk about this stuff at all. More good news:  I didn’t give up me at all, though I was able to hear him and what his needs were as well.  This seems like progress to me in couple-land.