Adult Children: Too Far Away

I’ve been planning my Thanksgiving trip to Bend, because both of my daughters live there.  By car it’s over seven hours from my home, and going by plane is not much better. There’s a two hour trip to the airport, parking, taking a shuttle, waiting for the plane for an hour, then the hour plane ride, and  the trip from the airport there to one of their houses. A long haul. Sometimes I will see a grandmother walking her grandchild on the beach near my house, and feel a pang.  I sure wish I could do that on a regular basis. Both girls have been pushing us to move to Bend.  But.  My partner has to finish his schooling to get his license as an addictions counselor, as well as complete his internship, and then there’s the job and where best to get it.  But.  We live across from a state park, where we both frequently walk, as well as a block from the beach.  Our view, across to Marrowstone Island, is fabulous.  I’ll never have a view over a body of water in Bend; that view gives me much peace.  But. If we moved, we could see the kids and my darling grandsons, on a daily basis. When I call, the younger boy hears my voice and screams, “Grandma!” which tears me apart.  I want to enfold him in my arms and feel his breath on my cheek.  Or read to his brother, or help him with his homework now that he’s in the first grade.  When I went to a library program with him on my last visit,  it ended and he turned to say, “I’m so glad I got to share this with you, gramma!” I did hug him and he hugged back.  We certainly won’t move there in the next two years, but after that, who knows?  My other daughter is a realtor, so she’ll find us a home that looks out on some kind of beauty: woods, mountains, something green, near the river.  For now we video chat, all of us, and talk on the phone, and that will have to do. But today I feel sad I can’t walk over to one of their houses, have lunch, chat, take a walk and then return to my own house and my partner.  Did I say we’d be closer to his kids too, because of the airport trip? Twenty minutes as opposed to hours. Ah well.  Life is complicated and often we end up too far away from family.  After I post this I’ll go look out the window at Puget Sound, and feel grateful for what is.