“Running From Crazy”

Mariel Hemingway was interviewed today on Democracy Now about a new documentary entitled Running From Crazy. I was fascinated: years ago I wrote a script for a television called Calling in Crazy. In Ms. Hemingway’s family there have been six of seven suicides, and she was always afraid that she, too, would end up either killing herself, or just plain crazy. When I was a kid, although my family did not have a history of suicide, I worried all the time that I might be crazy, or certainly strange. It wasn’t until years later that I learned my older sister, who always told me what was ‘true’ when we were kids, had been diagnosed with a mental illness as an adult. My feelings about what was ‘true’ rarely matched with hers, so it is no wonder I felt frightened about my own sanity for years. Hearing the discussion this morning, I was struck by the similarity of feeling between this famous and accomplished woman and me. What resonated the most for me most was her belief that speaking truth about her own history might help others overcome similar fears. When I decided to publish Little Nancy: The Journey Home, I did so for much the same reason, although it was certainly uncomfortable to think of strangers reading the intimate details of my life, its trials, mistakes, joys and sorrows. The emails I have received over the last couple of years have certainly made me feel that doing so was the right choice. Hearing Mariel Hemingway say the same words about the value in ‘telling the truth’ to benefit herself and others again reinforced my belief in writing these blogs, selling the memoir, and doing workshops for women with it. When we speak out about our fears, our shame, and even our own poor behavior, a weight lifts. I know after I initially showed my manuscript to three women friends, and did not see any blame or shock on their faces when they arrived at my house to talk with me about it, the release I experienced was a wonder. I keep doing this work with the belief that helping others experience the same relief is worth the exposure, a belief clearly shared by Ms. Hemingway.