Fighting: Fair or Not; Loving or Not?

Posted on June 8, 2015 by Nancy

My partner and I have had maybe three fights in the nine years we have been together. The last one was on Saturday.  I still don’t understand what happened or why he got so mad.  I’d never seen him really angry before, certainly not at me.  Backing up a little with some history:  I forget what’s in my freezer.  I just do.  Not an age thing, just something I’ve always forgotten, even when my kids were little.  He and I were rearranging the freezer in the morning because we couldn’t find room for something we wanted to freeze. See, even now, I couldn’t tell you what that was!  Anyway, in the back we found two freezer bags, both filled with sliced turkey.  How great, thought I. I won’t have to cook much next week!  Suddenly he was yelling at me, yelling about my wasting food.  I stood there,with my mouth hanging open.  I didn’t defend myself, didn’t say anything, just walked away.  I went to the living room, he turned on the TV in the den.  Later, when I was calmer, I stood in the den and told him I have always forgotten what was in the freezer, and didn’t see why it was my job to remember.  I do 95% of the cooking and all of the food shopping, so who made that my job?  Then I calmly walked away.  Didn’t comment on his yelling or the rage.  An hour or so later he came into the living room and apologized.  Together we watched Cleveland play Golden State.  During the game I too him how much his yelling had freaked me out.  He put his arms around me and again apologized, this time with genuine feeling.  He clearly felt lousy about it. Back to history: he hates waste;  got it.  I can’t be perfect although I do try to be the best person I can;  he got it.  We let it go and are fine this morning.  I pat myself on the back for leaving it alone instead of going on and on about it, making things worse, which I would have done a few years ago.  Maybe I’ve gotten wiser, thanks to blogging, therapy, and 12-step work.  And I pat him on the back for apologizing.  Most men I’ve known have a terrible time with that one.  So, all in all, OK.  People sometimes fight.  Even people who love each other.

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16 Responses to Fighting: Fair or Not; Loving or Not?

  1. Nancy says:
    June 29, 2015 at 1:47 PM

    Thanks. Any way for me to read some of your posts? And are there any topics I might address that would interest you?

  2. Nancy says:
    July 22, 2015 at 10:22 AM

    Thanks much. Great to know readers are affected by my blogs. A little plug. You might want to try my memoir “Little Nancy: The Journey Home” which you can find on Amazon. If you do get it, and read all the way through, let me know what you thought, or how much related to you. Nancy

  3. Nancy says:
    July 22, 2015 at 3:38 PM

    Sure. But it’d be nice to give me some credit there. Think I already said this but maybe I didn’t send it.

  4. Nancy says:
    July 22, 2015 at 3:39 PM

    Thanks. Tried but couldn’t get there. Said it was invalid. So maybe send again?

  5. Nancy says:
    August 4, 2015 at 3:05 PM

    Thanks. Keep reading. I blog every other Monday, usually.

  6. Nancy says:
    August 4, 2015 at 3:06 PM

    Thanks. Using BlueHost. I blog every other Monday, usually. Keep reading.

  7. Nancy says:
    August 9, 2015 at 5:36 PM

    thanks a lot. If there are any topics you’d like me to blog about, just let me know. You’ll find more on my books, which you can find at Amazon.com or in the back of my website (links).

  8. Nancy says:
    August 20, 2015 at 3:25 PM

    Thanks a lot. Keep reading. There’ll be a new blog on Monday.

  9. Nancy says:
    August 30, 2015 at 9:07 AM

    Thanks, and I agree about the design comment. Very good local designer.

  10. Nancy says:
    September 18, 2015 at 3:08 PM

    Thanks for spending the time. Appreciate it.

  11. Nancy says:
    September 18, 2015 at 3:11 PM

    Thanks much. Keep reading. I usually blog two Mondays a month.

  12. Nancy says:
    September 18, 2015 at 3:12 PM

    Thanks much. I usually blog two times a month so keep reading.

  13. Nancy says:
    October 7, 2015 at 10:17 AM

    Thanks much. Any topics you’d like me to cover?

  14. Nancy says:
    October 11, 2015 at 9:56 AM

    Have no idea how to do that, and never had the problem before. If you go to the website again, you could see if there is a button to unsubscribe. Not sure. so sorry.

  15. Nancy says:
    October 23, 2015 at 11:57 AM

    Thank you so much. If you have any topics you’d like me to cover, let me know. And tell your friends to sign up for my blogs. Thanks again.

  16. Nancy says:
    November 5, 2015 at 1:02 PM

    thanks much. If there are any topics you’d like me to blog about, let me know.

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