Loss Of Longtime Partner

An old friend from college was out of town when her husband, in his late eighties, but quite healthy, became ill.  There was a lot of scrambling to get him into good enough shape to board an airplane for their home, because he and she knew he would be more comfortable there, but they managed it.  By the time they had, the illness – I don’t remember what exactly was wrong – had abated and he seemed if not completely better, well on the way to healing.  And then without any warning he worsened again, and died.  Despite his age, and the problems he had encountered while they were traveling, the loss felt abrupt and shocking to her.  Is it ever other?  She signed up for a blog site called CaringBridge, and writes daily musings on her condition, accepting this loss, moving on, living her life with a modicum of joy, and the other trials she is facing on a daily basis.  Her postings are heartfelt, thoughtful and very moving to me, so I find myself reading them every day.  It has taken me many years and two failed marriages to find a partner who is truly compatible with me.  My friend’s musings have made me think about what life would be like without him, and how I would cope.  I haven’t found any answers.  I remember that when my mom died it took years for me to stop thinking, “Oh, Mom would be interested in this,” and then start walking towards my phone before realizing she was no longer there.  What strikes me now is how difficult it would be not to be able to share the daily musings and events of  my life with my partner, feel his feet rubbing against mine in the middle of the night, hear him call out, “I’m home”, when he comes in the front door, as well as engage in our long and rambling musings on the state of the world.  (Not good, to say the least.) Would I move to Bend, Oregon to be closer to my two grown daughters and their families?  Or would I choose to stay in the vibrant little community where I’ve lived for fourteen years and have lots of physical and emotional support? I look out on Puget Sound from my dining and living room windows, which is such a comfort. Because my town is small,  it’s easy to drive to my coop, a larger market, my doctor’s office, my bank – the places I frequent and need.  Bend is larger; my daughters both have busy lives so if I become ill with age – ‘if?, that’s a joke, yes? – would I be better off here or there?  And the loss!  How would I handle the loss of this man I’ve waited so many many years to find?  Aging is not easy, but one of the more difficult parts is losing the people who have given our lives  meaning and brought us comfort and care.  My friend seems very brave in her struggle with all of this. She doesn’t have any easy answers either, but writing every day seems to help her, as it would me.  In the end, we get up each day and go on, because what else is there? I think joy returns, or at least I hope so.  I realize I am following her lead, and writing about this confusing and painful topic, though I have no answers either.  Some of your thoughts might inform mine, so write if these words strike a chord in you as well. I think I’ll go take a walk in the state park across from my house, my solution for today.