Death Is Part Of Life

A few weeks ago I was invited to a community event for an old friend I hadn’t seen in some months.  When I walked in the door at the Community Center, I immediately understood the ‘why’ for the event, which I had thought was for his birthday.  He was hooked up to an oxygen machine, with those tubes that run from machine to nose.  It took everything I had to not show the shock I was feeling.  I really like this guy,  but life is busy, time short, lots to do–in a word, I had just not had time to pick up that phone to call him.  Did I think about the fact that we are both getting older?  That we don’t know what illness might come our way?  What family responsibilities might take us away from the community we live in?  No.  None of that ever crossed my mind.  What a wake-up call….Friendships have always sustained me. Always.  And I had just let this one, and several others, fall by the wayside.  I sent an email of apology, though I had no words that seemed adequate, and am driving out to his place on Thursday afternoon.  We will play catch up, and I’ll keep visiting. But I can’t ever regain the months we have lost.  September seems the month for this sort of news.  Next week my partner and I are flying to the East Coast.  Another friend, this one from my early childhood, has pancreatic cancer. As soon as he emailed, a somewhat jocular email, my partner and I looked at our schedules and sent some dates to my East Coast friend for a proposed visit.  His delight was obvious, and finally there was a small comment about his eventual demise, and how soon it might be.  It must be shocking to receive such a diagnosis, and never expected.  By the time he sent his initial email, I knew better than to wait because of my other friend, which is a good thing.  Unfortunately the question that keeps popping up for me is not pleasant: how many other emails or phone calls will I receive this year with a similar message?  And how will I cope with them.  I know I am old; I’ve even blogged about it.  What I didn’t factor in was the fact that when we are old, people begin to pass away.  My partner, who is part Native American, does not find this notion disturbing or even surprising.  Death is part of life, he tells me.  That seems a more realistic way to look at it,  but not one I was taught.  Death has always been something that has frightened me, and certainly not a topic I chose to explore.  So this blog is a beginning for me.  Any thoughts that you might want to share, please do.  Talking about troublesome topics and sharing our thoughts is one way to come to terms with them. I would sure appreciate anything you might have to say, and will certainly respond.