I’m A Lousy Sick Person

Week before last I woke up with a crick in my back.  It wasn’t bad, so I took my Nia class Thursday and swam on Friday.  Monday when I woke up it was worse.  By Tuesday I could only walk around my house by holding on to furniture and the walls.  Obviously it was time for a visit to the chiropractor. She adjusted me, and said that should do it.  She is right 99% of the time. By Monday night, I was a mess again, and if possible, even worse.  I called her office on Tuesday morning and went in again.  By then my back was swollen where it hurt.  She told me that I needed to ice for twenty minutes, rest for an hour, and begin all over again.  I was to follow this procedure for three days.  I could not do any of the activities I normally do, because doing them had quite obviously made me work.  The order: to be immobile for days.  Icing was actually easy and felt good.  Lying around all day was a whole other story.  I hated it.  Realizing my internal struggle was not helping my back or my emotional well-being, I tried reminding myself that this would be a good time to read, to stack pillows behind me on the couch, get a yellow pad, and try the old-fashioned way of writing. Yeah, right! My back did improve, although here it is Monday again, and sitting at my computer still does not feel good at all.  I’ll get another adjustment today and start icing again, but…does this endless process have something to do with my age?  Which makes healing takes longer? If so, wow!  I’m really healthy, knock wood, and look what’s happening here!  The thought of not working any more today, or again heading for the ice pack and my couch, ugh, horrible, awful thought.What if I had something serious wrong with me? How would I handle that?  At this point I have no answer.  But I do realize that I have a problem.  I fight being sick, resent having to slow down, and resist doing what I know I need to do for however long it takes.  How to change my own outlook, I do not know.  Acknowledging I have that outlook is the first step.  Ugh. Another personal issue to ‘fix’.  I don’t like that either!